The other day I picked up some "Habanero Horseradish Mustard" put out by the Mt. Horeb Mustard museum. I think I've fallen in love.

Three independently kick ass ingredients brought together at last. Plus, the label reads:

"Your chances of finding a better mustard are Slimm and Nunne."

Oh yeah! Yet another brilliant invention from the think-tank of Poupon U.

clothes reading

This is another post in the spirit of conveying something about grad student life to those of you who are for the most part unacquainted with our kind.

Saturday night, I decided to invite a few friends over to play Mario Kart, two of whom brought their 6 month old along (baby James, as I like to call him). Since my guests arrived all at once, we of course started things off by cooing, smiling, and generally giving all our attention to the amazing baby James.

Okay, so far so good, right? Nothing out of the ordinary here.

But then, someone points out that baby James is wearing a rainbow striped onesy with a picture of a giraffe driving, of all things, a backhoe. After quickly noting its odd cuteness, we slid naturally into a discussion of what crossed the designer's mind when he or she chose to combine these two specific objects.

Here's a quick selection of answers:

"maybe since the animal is exotic, they thought the vehicle ought to be as well"

"I'd like to attribute the backhoe to a desire to toughen up the child, but the rainbow background rules out that possibility"

"hmmm... a giraffe and a backhoe... an animal and a vehicle... are they making a point about nature and technology?"

In literary studies, this is what we like to call "close reading." Things don't, as the great Young MC once said, just make us go hmmmmm. Instead, they make us totally geek out. All the while baby James mainly thinks that we're mesmerized by his cute little baby belly.

So there you have it, a pretty typical example of what us grad students (as well as their spouses and partners - unless they're faking) consider to be a good time. For another example, I invite you to go back to the title to be either amused or slowly tortured by my attempt at a pun.

market blues

Anybody remotely connected to an English graduate program knows how horribly shitty the job market was last year. Today, there was a headline in the New York Times that went "recession anxiety seeps into everyday lives," accompanied by the picture above.



You might not think it, but the hiding under the covers is pretty accurate, though we have yet to stoop to cowering together in groups. Then again, what goes on in those shared graduate residences is beyond my knowledge. You also have to love how this picture illustrates economic woes with a picture of people attending a what is probably a pretty pricey relaxation seminar.

Seriously though, I have noticed that a general malaise has fallen over our department. Conversations periodically turn towards the subject of the market, since it's what we're all thinking about anyway. Knowing that two of, say, ten students who applied for jobs last year actually received them makes things look pretty dour. When the subject arises, there are varied levels of dispirited talk with fun facts like "1/3 of the jobs I applied for were cancelled mid-search." These discussions are often followed by a chorus of sighs or a prolonged moment of silence. Luckily, since we're for the most part used to being penniless, we mostly just resign ourselves to waiting things out till the situation improves.

If you have yet to read Dashiell Hammett's Maltese Falcon, then what are you waiting for.






For those of you who have:

Do you think that Brigid deserves what she gets?

And, what's the point of the Flitcraft story, really?

I am getting the sense that it's become fashionable to be a critic of the oscars. And since it is also fashionable to be fashionable, I'm going to do just that.

The jokes about putting on the oscars in the midst of tough economic times were a little hard to take seriously when delivered on a stage bedecked with hundreds of thousands of dollars in the form of the Swavorski crystal curtain. Maybe someone should have told the writers that the budget concerns were a tad overinflated.

While they're at it, they should also talk to the group of editors who choose the clips that best illustrate the award category. At least that's what I thought was the purpose of these clips.

For "special effects," the clip from Dark Night featured a few of Joker's clown-masked minions posing maliciously inside a freight truck. Okay, Freight trucks are admittedly not cheap, probably even to rent. But what exactly is "special" about this particular effect? How about the bat-mobile turning into a bat-bike? That was pretty special.

One of the clips from the nominees for the screenplay award (for those who "don't just write screenplays, but movies") went something like this: "What are you having sir?" "The steak" "And you, mam" "I'll just have what he's having." Now I can see including this in a movie. People are required to place orders when at restaurants, after all. But if this is Oscar-quality writing, then I think I found an occupation that requires even less effort than being a disserator.

At least Benjamin Button didn't win best picture.

Yes, another link

One more reason why I love the onion.

class cut short

The apology I emailed to my students says it all:

Hi Everyone,

So first of all, sorry that you had to witness the breakdown of my vocal chords in class today. I'm sure we can all agree that that was kind of unexpected. In case you're wondering (some of you did look a little worried), I'm not seriously ill in any way. The bad part of this cold passed a week or so ago. My recovering throat was just agitated to the point that it became difficult to speak. I'll make sure to bring some water to our next class, at which my throat should be back up dispensing writing advice, rather than broken raspy speech.

Thanks so much for understanding.

For now, enjoy the free time and your much envied ability to use your voice.

Best,
Kevin

p.s. You should know that I resisted the temptation to place throat-clearing "ahems" throughout this email.

A colleague (Dubs) helped me feel less embarrassed about it when he said "It could have been worse. At least you didn't vomit phlegm all over them"